She Didn't Like March Very Much
Month three of my Year of Challenges is in the books and I have to say, it wasn't a good one. My goal wasn't a desperately lofty one - I intended to work out at the gym four times a week. For me, that was only a small stretch from my usual two or three visits. It was attainable. Until it wasn't. I got sick - a cold that lingered far past it's welcome. And then I got hurt - a muscle spasm in my low back. I only made it to the gym a handful of times. You may be thinking "giiiirl, those are totally valid excuses, don't be hard on yourself!" To which I say hey, thanks, you're great, but stick with me for a minute. This would be a really boring blog if I didn't spew brain stuff at some point.
It's difficult to write about failure.
So often on social media or just in regular conversation we're careful to put on our best show. We share the highlight reel of our lives and if there is some self deprecation it's done in a way that will garner a sympathetic response. Saying "I failed and there's no blame to be sorted," isn't like-worthy. To paraphrase, if a Facebook status is made without being liked or commented on, was it ever made at all?
I made a goal, I didn't meet it, and that makes me bummed. I'd rather be talking about how I blasted through each week, building muscle mass and saying "sayonara, weakness." But I think it's just as important to talk about failing as it is to talk about succeeding, if only to get pumped up for your next goal.
It's difficult to admit to vulnerabilities.
As someone who has a physical job (massage therapy), I'm usually afraid to admit when I feel pain and when I do I come up with excuses for it. I absolutely, no doubt about it, love my job and know that doing it full time is one of my better decisions in life. However, there's always the nagging doubt of "can I really do this?" and the even sillier thought of "I need to show everyone I can do this, no matter what." I need to be superwoman. My body needs to hold up and show no sign of wear. This, of course, is ridiculous and will only hurt me more in the long run.
So now some admissions. I have some skeletal misalignments that make work painful (until I can see my chiropractor). I get lazy about my body mechanics as I'm working which is the fast track to injury. I use my thumbs more than I should and my forearms are like steel cables. On the other (sore) hand, I get more satisfaction out of this work than out of any other job I've had. I want to be able to do this for years. That means, admitting that I'm not indestructible and being as good to my body as I possibly can.
I can't put a check mark next to this month. But I can give myself a big ol' hug and turn the calendar.
Let's chat...what's your latest failure?